Paul Kapustka's Blog

We will try to be as rapid-fire here as the backtobacktobacktoback keynotes Monday afternoon, but for your reading pleasure we will eliminate THE REALLY LOUD MUSIC THAT PLAYED FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER. I mean, it was REALLY loud. The House of Blues called up and said "turn that sh*t down." Really.

[side note: better find some new music without the word "ass-shakin" in the lyrics tomorrow to introduce Kevin "Mr. Indecency" Martin!]

Keynote prologue: Walter "showman" McCormick, head lobbyist, USTA.
Walter didn't really have a keynote, but his intro to the people that mattered was extra-long, filled with weird hypey stuff and we were a bit unsettled at his light sport-coat, black shirt ensemble. What is he now, a casino greeter? A reality show host? Amped up on Red Bull? Walter, we realize you're happy the show is underway and that everyone showed up. Now please, sit somewhere quiet. Thank you. Score: 1.5

Ivan Seidenberg, CEO, Verizon
As juicy as Walter was, Ivan was equally restrained. None of the "Google should open their wallets" talk Monday. Just a few wry hints about "gosh it'd be nice to have a compliant Congress" and wonderment about the amazing things we could do with 100 Mbps networks. Yeah, like be jealous of Japan and Korea when they go to Gig-E. Tom Tauke was watching from the front row, probably to tackle Ivan if his lips started forming the words "Network Neutrality."
Score: 3.5

Robert Iger, CEO, Walt Disney
Nothing was truer than Robert's (can we call you "Bob"?) first line, which followed a great glitzy mashup video clip of ESPN, Desperate Housewives, Lost, etc. video scenes. "Maybe I shouldn't say anything," Iger said. But then he did, and proceeded to set open networking back a decade or two, calling for more DRM, more network controls and branded quality content. Scary good, because he knows of what he speaks and is ready to charge us more than Steve Jobs for it. And then cozied up to Ivan by stating that we didn't need any of those net neutrality rules. Bob, one word: MySpace. Check it out.
Score: 5.5

Glenn Britt, CEO, Time Warner Cable
(question: why are all these guys "president and CEO"? If you are the CEO, why do you also need to be president? Tax reasons? Someone please enlighten me.)
Glenn looked nervous -- sheep at the wolf party kind of nervous -- but proceeded to take a swipe at telco lobbying efforts anyway, the kind of mess-the-host's-carpet move that we just love here at smackdown city. He kind of rushed through the last part of his presentation -- something about caller ID for your TV, as if we need such interruptions during the Sopranos -- but you'd hurry too if you thought someone might take a shot at you.
Score: 8.5

Norio Wada, President & CEO, NTT
If there was ever a need for subtitles on a keynote, this was the time. Kudos to Norio for his all-English keynote -- trust me, if I had to write in Japanese I might crash an economy or two -- but you couldn't help but feel a lot of important stuff was lost in translation. Did he say something about building an all-fiber network that would be wide open to ISPs and application creators? Think I saw Tom Tauke getting ill when that point was raised.We need more research here.
Score: 7.5, pending judges review

Tomorrow: Big Ed Whitacre, Kevin Martin and John Chambers! If we ever get to sleep!